rachel's top ten best ways to show your love to stand-in-front-of-a-(grocery)-store-and-ask-people-to-donate-food-or-money-for-a-real-cause people

The day hunger disappears, the world will see the greatest spiritual explosion humanity has ever seen.
-- Federico Garcia Lorca

ok- so soooo sorry about the delay in posts. i dont have a great excuse- aside from the fact that it was INSANE at work in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving....i guess that would be assumed when you work at a food program ;) but i am going to try to keep this updated more often- there is so much i would love to share with you all about my time here in seattle- stories of some real incredible people.

however, i feel it is my duty as a food program assistant to inform you about something near and dear to my heart. in this, the season of hectic holiday shopping, overstressed everybody, long lines, etc. i would like to let you know about some people who could use some real lovin: stand-in-front-of-a-(grocery)-store-and-ask-people-to-donate-food-or-money-for-a-real-cause.

they are out there. and they are just like you and me. well, they are me. i stand in front of grocery stores every Saturday with some volunteers (such as the wonderful mr. ross) asking people kindly to shop for our clients. then there is the salvation army person ringing the bell. and so here is a top ten list of helpful hints to show your love to these individuals:

1- Not interested? No problem! Do not, however, stick your hand/finger in my face and make a nasty face mouthing the word "no" as you continue to talk on your bluetooth (we are people after all, not dogs....)

2-To that note, if you are not interested and try to go to the other door/avoid us...keep in mind that you did not suddenly develop the ability to become invisible: we can see you still. and if you are like me, i have someone posted at each door. there is no escape. muhahahahahahhahahaha....ha.

3-Give em what they are looking for! These people are not (necessarily) spending time in the cold for kicks and giggles. they are looking for some help- from you! and when you do give them a can of tuna here, or a box of cereal there- you affirm their presence and help everyone feel all warm and fuzzy inside. its a win-win.

4- If you feel like this is just another gammit- talk to those people! find out what we are about! ask great questions! heck- you might make a new friend, or find out that they are looking for volunteers to help out....which is great because you have been looking to make some new friends and spend time with a worthwhile organization to give back to your community ;) also- this helps prevent us from talking to ourselves so we dont get bored. another win.

5- Feeling like you are not going to make any difference? Let me tell you from experience- if every person who walked into the door of the store during my 5 hour shifts brought out one can- just ONE can-of soup, we would have enough to feed my clients for a month. one can CAN make all the difference in the world. i have seen it with my own eyes. when i get a grocery bag ready for a client and stick in a can of soup i collected the week before at one of these collection events, then i see it go to my client who is SO appreciative. well, it makes a difference. believe me.

6- Man, that person collecting food out there looks cold, tired, and kind of hungry.....guess what- we ARE! the best thing that ever happened to me was when a lady came out with a bagful of groceries for us, then a smoothie for me. she told me that she wanted me to take care of myself so that i could help others better. i will NEVER forget that. ever. such kindness. the best smoothie i will ever have.

7- Volunteer with us! If you are looking to restore your hope in humanity and see some instant gratification (lets say, 900 pounds of food in a van that was empty in the morning but is now full at the end of the day with food)- you found the perfect thing! And you get to meet new people, have cool conversations, etc etc

8- Forgot to get some food while inside the store? We take cash donations ;) just sayin....

9-When you make a joke about what we are doing out there, or perhaps come back in to get something else...know that we have seen like a thousand people come past us in the last couple hours. we have heard that joke already a couple dozen times, yes- HIV/AIDS is still around (yikes), and i am sorry i didn't memorize your face and asked you again to donate. i am working on my facial recognition skills, but i am a work in progress. work with me.

10- hey- you see that manager of the store over there in the corner? mentioning to them how awesome it is that they sponsor that organization out there and also showing them some of the goodies you bought in there store for the barrell out there...well that would be swell. these stores rock and could use some thanks as well.

11- pat yourself on the back! you rock, and know that we would not be able to do what you do without people like yourself. dont have one of these rockin people outside your grocery store? well maybe you should look in a mirror. hehe.

LLLLOOOVVVEEEE to all and will be posting back soon. i promise. in the meantime, keep on loving, and keep in mind what the season of giving really means. i mean- we are talking food here. its delicious and nutritious. win win.

bus rides

"If we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in contrasting values, we must recognize the whole gamut of human potentialities, and so weave a less arbitrary social fabric, one in which each diverse human gift will find a fitting place."
~Margaret Mead

oh seattle king county metro. where to start? well as you might have guessed, i take the bus every day to work which is about a thirty minute commute. and although there are always those sketchy situations...i love it. coming from the country end of things, being in a city, i find, is best taken in through the bus. every morning, we drive down the very steep hill of queen anne, and i look out over the city and mt. Rainer (if its not too cloudy). feeds the soul. as does the lemon lift tea i drink.

then i get down to the seattle center, say "oh hey" to the space needle and head into downtown. which is CRAZY all the time with people- tourists, homeless, business people, you name it. and i mean- downtown is always a bustle with things to do. pikes place, video gaming conventions (yes- that happened), the flagship nordstrom store (6 levels of ridiculousness). its crazy. then i get to capitol hill, best known as the crazy artsy section of town which as you might guess i would love. but the people- oh- the people. its a sociologists dream come true.

well there are the regulars you see every morning get on the same bus. the woman with the crazy hair who talks about gardening and cats and i love her. then there is the "beautiful man" as my roomate likes to call him who sits in the corner listening to music, reading political thrillers. the professor (at least i think he is) who wears a white hat like the man in curious george and keeps to himself. then you have the mom who brings the worlds cutest baby on board. adorable.

then we have the wild cards. people who run after the bus after it has started to move to try to make it. my personal favorite was a 15 year old kid who chased after the bus yelling in rush hour on his skateboard. you have the very verbal and somewhat grouchy individuals who complain about bus fare ( i mean, it is rather expensive) and how much the bus drivers get paid (i believe i heard somewhere that seattle bus drivers are among the highest paid in the country. after driving the narrow streets of seattle in a giant refrigerator van, i dont think they get paid enough).

then, you get these amazing moments where you meet a total stranger and have just the neatest conversations around. my second week here, my roomies and i went to the thriftstore where i picked up a tall mirror to use for our bedroom. an older man came on the bus, and was caught off guard by his reflection in the mirror i was holding. he sat next to me, and stated how you need to be prepared for the unexpected, because it is always around the corner. i came to find that this gentleman is a counselor for individuals who have lost a loved one to homicide. he was inspired to this work when his young daughter was murdered in LA by one of her troubled social work clients. amazing man. amazing stories. he handed me one of his business cards that quoted him saying "words unspoken are not unheard". beautiful.

i had a kick ass convo with a guy who knows his hockey. which i realllllly appreciate in town without a hockey team. which can i just break and say- how can you be this close to canada and not have a hockey team? they like soccer here. what the heck.

then there are the busdrivers. who are just the sweetest people in the world and have to put up with so much crap. one of my favorite drivers works on my morning bus route and when the mom with the child gets on board, he just lights up and stops the bus so he can oggle over the baby. then he animatedly calls out the stops and where we are heading next. "up next: pike and third; home of the pike place market, macy's, other overpriced retail outlet stores". you gotta love that kinda humor that early in the morning.

this was quite the random ramble, but bus rides rock. i love it. when i finally got my orca pass (bus pass), i felt like a true-ish seattle-an. am i a food/snow snob who complains that no one knows about hockey? yes. always. but i ride the bus in seattle and sort of know where i am going. i think that should count for something.

love to you all
~me

these are a few of my favorite things...

One ought every day at least to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

halllo everyone!
happy monday!...well tuesday for most of you now. anywho i just wanted to start by making a list of things that make me happy about seattle:

-lavender bushes everywhere! makes the air smell amazing!
-palm trees. yes- palm trees. what up with that? i dont know but its cool.
-the amount of older couples who hold hands and kiss (general pda-ness). its adorable.
-the views! ahh! mountains and bays and sunsets and...its beautiful!
-there is a farmers market in every neighborhood on any given day of the week. and then there is always pikes market which is open everyday ;)
-when i read the church program this week advertising for a cookout, veggie burgers were offered as part of the food being provided. pretty sure that would never happen in buffalo/midwest
-every building here is ordered by law to spend at least 1% of their building budget on artwork. the result=awe inspiring work.
-speaking of art, the downtown public library looks more like the cleveland rock and roll hall of fame mixed with the museum of modern art. and it has practice rooms in it for musicians. what what!
-theo chocolate: the only organic and fair trade chocolate company in the united states who are environmnetally friendly. whats that? the factory is a 20 minute walk from my house with heaps of free samples? yes please. also- hey give these tours for 5 bucks and tons of free samples, so please come visit so i dont go by myself and eat the whole place...the dark chocolate cherry almond bars have been getting me through each and every week here!
-the fashion here, although very legging oriented- makes me smile. people mish mash colors and patterns and i am finally at home with my fashion ridiculousness. my roomies always check me in the morning to make sure i havent overdone anything- but yeah, black and brown outfits happen. and it rocks. (that one is for you e....)
-there are bike lanes as well as bike racks on the front of buses...annnd they have handicap accessible ramps on every bus for anyone who needs it.
-do you know when you go to the store and they advertise for washington apples? yeah, they are from here. i had one the other day that was straight from the orchard. yuummmmm. cant wait for some cider!
-the weather, (i know i have mentioned it before) has been awesome so far. i know it will get more cold and overcast- but it is never humid and is so refreshing!
-every sunday night at 9:30 at the st. marks epicopal church there is a Compline service held. basically, an all men's choir sings in perfect harmony with each other in this gorgeous chapel with great acoustics and people from all walks of life come into the church- lay on the alter, sit in the pews, you name it. it lasts for half an hour- everyone sits in silence. it is one of the most moving things i have ever experienced.i think i am going to go every sunday i can. if you come visit me and happen to be here on a sunday- we will go ;)
-there is a floating bridge! over lake washington. AND it is the 90! its like being on the other side, but being connected to the other end to my loves in b-lo.
-the food! although i am living on a limited stipend- i have been able to experience some of the many amazing restaurants and such in the seattle area. some of my faves: molly moons (like jenis splendid) where i experienced strawberry balsamic ice cream, the dahlia lounge (thanks aunt linda and larry!) where i ate one of the best meals of my life and had a kick-ass creme caramel and coconut cream pie, and dicks (an old dive place with greasy burgers) where i got a tasty cheap milkshake.

in case this list has not indicated, i am pleased with life. of course to every city or place there are some downfalls. the distance from all of you, for example, makes being in the emerald city not quite as great as it could be. but i am going to stay positive for now, and i will let you know what else i observe along the way. sending love all your way and thanks for reading!

love!
~me

food. yum.

"When we make food an integral part of our lives and our homes, it becomes part of our theology. We are connected to our food- cultivating it, preserving it, and persevering it, and preparing it. We are nurturers instead of consumers. This shift affects our relationship to the Giver of our daily bread. We become co-creators with God and stewards of God's garden....We are what eat- physically and spirituality. Doris Longacre states that "change is an act of faith." Our interaction with food will express our faith."
-Forward from the More with Less Cookbook (amazing, amazing cookbook that i HIGHLY recommend reading and experimenting with!! it is our house bible in some ways....)


oh hey there!

first of all- 14 followers on this blog? go you guys. thanks for reading/pretending to read (hehe)- i feel so loved! i hope everyone is doing well as classes are starting and post-labor-day-getting-ready-for-fall-ness is starting in full swing. i think about each of you throughout my day and am keeping yall in my prayers ;)

so thanks for reading that long quote at the top. i freaking love it. how cool that we can understand God in a new dimension not only by the food that we eat and taste, but through the decisions we make with our food that influences how we connect to others and our world. there is a lot of emergent information coming out these days about how Americans overeat, how we have obese children, how we still have hunger on our hands. but do any of us actually look in the mirror and ask how am i part of this problem? i mean, its a hard question to ask when the cheesy chicken casserole dinner and chocolate torte dessert just tastes so darn good. its sooo easy to hide behind the food that takes away our stress, that provides us with instant gratification, that connects us to others in a social way. but the thing about food is that I believe we miss out on the lesson that God wants us to learn about His love. How many times does the bible use food as a reference to Christ? The fruit of the spirit, being part of the vine, the mustard seed, fish and bread for a huge crowd, and lets not forget the last supper. i mean- what better way to communicate to us dumb humans how amazing and compelling the Lord is than through our stomachs. God got it alll right there.

so i am on a mission this year. as i have already experienced in my first couple of weeks as an LVCer...i really do want my decisions to reflect simplicity and sustainability. in training my taste buds to ween off processed sugar and fat. i used to just eat and eat all the time whether i was hungry or not. now, i eat food that is good for me when i need it. i savor my food and take my dear old time when i eat it. last night, i enjoyed a bowl of vanilla yogurt and locally produced honey and spent 15 minutes just spending time with my food and reflecting on how God had blessed me with the chance to eat the literal milk and honey. i thought about how sometimes, we just shovel food into our mouths without really thinking what we are doing. instead, i slowed down and took the time to savor and to feed my spirit. i think you get the picture.

in working around food all day at work and seeing how much food is a form of social change for the elderly and those with HIV/AIDS, i have begun a journey of appreciation for what food can do as an extension of life. it is an extension of community, it is an extension of God. it is an extension of love. i freaking love food. and all of the aforementioned items. so its basically a win win situation. anywho- i am off to bed so i can get up nice and early tomorrow to run a pick up center down in Tacoma- and i am soo excited. excited to share love/life/food with some truly amazing people.

goodnight yall- sweet dreams and sweet eating!!!

my job rocks

"The freedom of man, I contend, is the freedom to eat."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

salutations from seattle!
aside from missing my transfer bus on the first day of work and dealing with the ridiculousness of the three hour time difference (which i reallllllly am annoyed with communication wise!)- this week was PERFECT. as some of you might have noted, i am really excited with life right now. like- i dont think I have been this happy since freshman year at denison- that was the last time i truly felt that God led me to where I needed to be. i know that part of faith is to trust that God is putting you where you need to be even if you dont feel it, yet its always nice to reach these moments in your life where you are perfectly happy with where you are. its like seeing the rainbow after the flood and remembering God's covenant ;)

so my job= perfect for me. i work at an AIDS alliance which is an amazing organization which has lots of departments (housing, insurance, development, education, thrift store (the best thrift store ever...where i recieve employee discounts and got a 10 dollar gift certificate for helping volunteer for like two hours...and where 80 cents of every dollar help fund our organization)....i work for the food department though. if you know anything about me, or my buffalo upbringing- you will know this is the most perfect place i could be at. which would be accurate. lets just say i wake up every morning with a smile on my face excited to go hang out with some awesome people. and eat awesome food.

the food program consists of a team of dietitians who work with clients (both who have HIV/AIDS or who are elderly), and configure the type of meal service they would like to receive (this includes culturally specific grocery bags, freshly packaged frozen meals with diebetic, heart healthy, etc options. then the kitchen goes to work to fill the orders of the frozen meals, and the warehouse compiles grocery bags filled with fresh produce, eggs, milk, cheese, etc.. to get clients though a week. let me just stop and say i have worked in MANY soup kitchens/food pantries and i have NEVER seen one operate like this. it simply blows my mind how much this organization does with so little. it is clean, the staff and volunteers (many of whom have volunteered there for over 15 years and come back rain or shine every week)smile and are happy to work there. perk: every day the kitchen prepares an OUTSTANDING lunch of yumminess. last weeks meals: coconut rice w/ curry veggies, veggie lasagna w/ ceasar salad, artisan cupcakes with buttercream frosting handpiped on...shall i go on? you get the picture...i am happy.

so what is my job? well its a mix of things: coordinating volunteers to work in the kitchen/warehouse/deivery and get them excited to work there. which isnt hard as i am easily exicted and try to spead my akwardness onto others to make them feel comfortable. it seems to work as we had a dance party rave in the walk in fridge the other day while the manager of the warehouse flipped the light on and off to simulate a strobe light. yeah. that happened.

i also deliver meals all over seattle to home-bound clients. which ROCKS. they are the sweetest people in the world and so appreciative of the food. and i am getting my bearings of seattle a little better every day, and have some pretty sweet views of the local mountains. pretty sweet. on tuesdays i will be driving down to tacoma to a drop off center there, and on saturdays i work with volunteers at local grocery chains (and whole foods!!!) to ask customers to shop for our clients. seattle has some pretty kind and big-hearted people i must say!

one quick other perk: my organization had free tickets they needed people to use, so i saw rufus wainwright and his sister live in concert at this beautiful concert hall downtown. for free. gahhhh! and it was one of the best concerts of my life. no big deal.

ok- so this is getting really long. let me sum it up....i love my life. i love getting up in the morning to go to work (though its not work for me...its fun). i love my house, my housemates, my neighborhood. i love seattle. i love you and miss you all. so there is that. i am sure there will be more exploring and more stories to come, but for now- i am just chillin like bob dylan and having a blast. talk to you as soon as i can!

love, me

ps- THANK YOU GOD!!!!!

new beginnings

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain
(thanks jon!)


hey yall!
writing to you from seattle! hope everyone is doing well- i miss everyone so much already! but i am really loving LVC- i was so freaked out in the weeks leading up to the experience...i was starting to have doubts that i was doing the wrong thing. but as i attended orientation and got to meet some amazing people with such great ambition to make the world a better place through a year of simplicity, sustainability, intentional community, and social justice, anti-racism- i began to feel a sense of peace. a feeling that i was in the place that God wanted me to be in. i continued to feel this way as i flew over the cascade mountains and started to tear up. God is so amazing isnt he?

Alyssa told me that this year in LVC would be like a pumice stone to any callouses that i received during my time and stress at denison....she was right! i already feel some of that indifference shed from me. i tell you- living in an intentional community is sooo helpful with that. there are people in the same boat as you, who are holding you accountable for your actions and challenging you to dig a little deeper- as the house relies on it for survival. and i cannot wait to start work so that i might become more passionate about life and about peace through justice (and food!)!!

for a more specific update: i live in the CUTEST neighborhood ever which really should be worth $1200 a month in rent but a pastor who owns the building rents it to us for lower since she is affiliated with LVC. SWEET SWEET deal. we live above a barber shop in what i would describe as the short north (columbus) or elmwood village (buffalo) section of town. totally cute, totally (well mostly) safe, totally expensive, totally homogenous (not so awesome). its right across the street from a Thai and Vietnamese restaurants (and there awesome smells flow through the window all the time and makes your stomach growl). the apartment itself is HUGE...its got an old world charm with wood floors, high ceilings. built in closets, a patio off the kitchen (with a container garden!!!!), sunroom (which we are turning into a meditation/coffee room), HUGE kitchen with all the tools you would ever need to cook and a rockin spice cabinet, large but comfy living room, dining room/library, tiny bathroom, and three bedrooms. i share a bedroom with one of my housemates (which, by the way, i really must say how much i missed living in a room with someone else). the best part: my backyard is a grocery store. and there is a trader joes just down the street. could it get any better? i dont think so. well- perhaps if all you lovely people were here with me ;)

we just ventured on our first bus journey in the beautiful and humid free seattle to ballard (home of john murphy) to the best goodwill store i have ever been to. i will never need to go to any department store while i am out here because they have everything we could ever need there. like...everything.

we also have a local church (queen anne lutheran) supporting our house for the year who have the most kind people ever! they furnished a ton of our apartment with comfy couches and adorable lamps/dressers/etc....and when we went to the service there this morning they were all so sweet and welcomed us with open arms. amazingness.

in essence: i am so excited for this year and just feel soooo blessed for this opportunity to start fresh, to make a difference, meet some sweet people (as if i needed to meet any more!), and learn about seattle- queen anne, the works. i am lovin life.

and lovin all of you.

peace!

waves

“Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”
-Teilhard de Chardin

man- this is sooo long overdue. i apologize to anyone who actually keeps up with this and is disappointed by my lack of effort but i promise i will be better! so lots has happened in the month of july- i cant even remember what happened to this summer! i am pretty sure i did absolutely nothing during the month of june- and then july hit and BAM! i mean- it was a great month- i got to travel all over the place, see lots of friends before i head out west, and spend time with some family down south. i can't complain! but as i approach this sunday- the day i leave for LVC- i cant help but already feel some homesickness. i am at home typing this right now, but for some reason, i have this disturbing feeling in my stomach saying "what are you thinking rachel? the west coast? the other side of the country where you dont know anyone? away from everyone you love?". yikes. i am just hoping that i am going where God wants me to be and shows me a purpose greater than my selfish self. which brings me to todays blog topic...

while on hilton head visiting my amazing aunt and her family- i had the chance to go wave jumping/body surfing on a day with HUGE waves. there was a tropical storm off the coast of florida, and the waves were a height well above my head....(and yes, for those interested, this was the same day as my jellyfish sting...) anyway, i got to experience something i dont think i ever have before- the power and fury of raw nature- nothing withheld- in the most tangible form possible. i literally was being pummeled by these huge waves and there was nothing i could do to protect myself. rachel vs. nature straight up.

so what does this have to do with God? good question- i am glad you asked;) i realized while being hit repeatedly (losing my bikini top several times) that i am so weak compared to the power that God has. like- so weak. people might have technology, money, social mobility, etc. but it pails in comparison to the power that God has. its kind of frightening at first, but when i think about it more- it is amazing. i feel so blessed that I am in the hands of an all powerful God capable of producing strong waves, of miracles. i know in my heart the truth that I am only part of a whole- only a small freckle in a greater cause. and believe it or not- it was waves that helped remind me of that. i wonder how many other things God tries to show me everyday that i miss...i need to pay better attention ;)

peace...and see you all on the west coast!

fear

ok so i just watched this awesome interview with shane claiborne on you tube where he talked about fear. shane quoted mother Theresa when she said "in the poor we see Jesus in his most distressing disguises. the interviewer then asked shane what that meant, and asked why people who have a heart for the poor are afraid and do not understand the poor. I LOVE what shane said in response! he said, "maybe its not so much that we are afraid as much as we dont know the poor. i think we are naturally afraid of what we dont know....we are always scared of the unfamiliar".

it got me thinking about some statistic i read that the number one fear in the world is the fear of the unknown. for me, the unknown always sounded like an alien or a UFO. but i really am beginning to see through my experiences in life that people are afraid of what we dont know. what we arent exposed to. what makes us uncomfortable. what pushes and challenges us. shane went on to describe how when you take kids from the inner city to go camping, they are afraid of the bogey man, yet when you take kids from suburban homes into the city- there is a fear that you are unsafe. i suppose its not to discount those fears altogether- the bogey man is quite the veiled threat. yet, we let our fears prevent us from seeking something that could change us forever- and in my opinion for the better.

i have been thinking a lot about how i have these fears about being in the heart of seattle- of living the city life after an entire lifetime and upbringing in peaceful rural areas (which i am so blessed to have been brought up in). but what am i afraid of? i am afraid of the unfamiliar. which when I look at it that way- seems silly. it will become familiar. it will become as easy as breathing at some point. and any bumps in the road will just strengthen me. so for the moment- i am feeling a little more at peace.

i guess my question to you is- what unfamiliar things are you afraid of? both physical and not- what in your life is preventing you from getting to know God in a more fulfilling way? and is it really worth holding those fears?

questions, questions.

so this reallly long quote is by a minister who presided over the 30 year anniversary of LVC that took place in DC this past weekend. she was talked about the woman who washed the feet of Jesus, then spoke these words:

“Today we too – with our tired feet, our blistered hearts, our bleeding world – are invited with Jesus to be anointed anew for the journey. Just as the woman in today’s Gospel overflowed with gratitude for the love that freed her from a toxic life, and forgave her and released her to be a whole new person in community, we too are invited into an anointed, anointing life. …We speak of being Jesus’ hands and feet in the world; and his feet – that’s us – are anointed today for healing, bathed in extravagant love, strengthened for the journey.”
i love it.

i have been thinking a lot about how much difference one person can make in this world. especially how one person can really throw themselves into something greater than themselves and change the course of history. i mean, I believe behind it all is God giving us the strength to do the impossible. its almost a shame that we dont really tap into the strength God gives us to love one another more. i know i fail at it a ton, and i hope that I can work on that (man, i have like a laundry list of things to work on dont I?). i guess its also important to realize that whether or not we realize it, God gives us the strength to get through each day- no matter how hard or easy. i love it. and i love you.

gifts

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. ~Ruth Ann Schabacker

right now, all i can think about is how blessed i am that i have such a beautiful life. yes, sometimes it seems as though everything is in the crapper. but you know what? i am sitting in a warm comfy bed in the quiet rural house i grew up in with an amazing (and quirky) family who all love and support me. i have amazing friends who are more family to me than anything- who are able to know me better than i know myself. not to sound cliche- but they truly touch the most inner part of my soul. when i consider all these things, especially in the middle of this season of my life where i am able to sit still for just a moment to hear the universe unfolding- i have nothing more to feel than to feel love and total contentment. God is good.

in this season, i have also had the chance to think about how each person in my life brings a gift of love in my life. not that i am expecting one, not that i even realize it when i happens most of the time. i think of my uncle who after the loss of my father, spent an entire day with his annoying niece (me) to teach her how to bake. in one day, my love of food sparked into a whole new perspective on life. each time i make a cookie, i am reminded of his kindness and the amazing gift of baking he brought into my life. or i think of how my sister gives me the gift of patience and understanding, and how her strength in turn strengthens me. i think of how all my friends bring in spicy and diverse new perspectives on life- in the form of advice, ukulele song, late night conversation, facebook message, quote, or even a trip to tops/wegmans;)

ok- so ill stop my rambling. its late. but i just love my life. thanks to all my loved ones for such a great life. and most importantly- thanks God for making it all possible!

peace

memories

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground

so saturday was the ten year anniversary of my father's death- pretty wild, huh? i cannot believe it has been ten years- it seems like just yesterday he was scooping me up and placing me on his shoulders and being his goofy self. (my mom recently told erik, lauren, and i that we certainly got our humor from my dad which made me smile).

anyway, lauren and i were watching the movie "sunshine cleaning" which had one of the of the most creepy parallel stories to my life that i have seen. the sisters have a mom that committed suicide when they were young, and the movie beautifully explores how one of the sisters seeks to remember who her mother was, and to try and cope. in one scene (i wish they gave academy awards to movie scenes because this one deserves it), the sister opens a box from under her bed and goes through these random trinkets that remind her of her mother. a cigarette butt, a feather, a photo. it was so beautifully ordinary and painted such a picture of the power of memory that i relate to so well. i still take out pictures of my father to try to get a sense of who he was, what he sounded like, what he valued.

although it has been ten years, the wound is still there, and i know it will take more than a lifetime to rid myself of any painful memories. but i have come to realize that the power of those memories makes us who we are today. as much as we try to remember (or forget) the past in other people, we remember who we are right now. i hope that makes sense.

so yes, happy belated fathers day to my dad- its been ten years but i still love you just as much every day.

peace.

la da da da dum

oh man- first posting! so i have decided to catch the wave and start blogging...why not share my musings on life with the whole world? i am pretty sure this will be the most random blog ever written but that's ok with me.

so to start, i want to share something i heard a preacher on the radio talking about. he said "have useless friends". yeah- i know- kinda blunt, pretty harsh. but he went on to explain that when we start having a use for our friends, it becomes a give and take relationship, like a commodity. instead, by having useless friends (and by being useless yourself) you just hang out with with no strings attached, we offer ourselves the chance to get to know people on a way more intimate level. snazzy huh? puts things in a new light for me.

i also was listening to this preacher talk about forgiveness. he was using the example of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) and how the elder son became really jealous of the younger son who basically abandoned the family for selfish reasons, then came back and gets a party. the preacher talked about how not only was he upset at his brother, but he actually wanted his brother to get punished for what he did. for some reason it began to hit me how although i think i am forgiving, i really hold onto some awful grudges and selfishly want people to get what they deserve. but although God is wrathful and just, he is also forgiving and merciful. so i am going to work on that. like a lot. pray for me.

to end: a quote. in fact, i think i will throw a quote in every time i post if i can. i find it appropriate so here it goes:

"With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere."
C. S. Lewis