Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. ~Ruth Ann Schabacker
right now, all i can think about is how blessed i am that i have such a beautiful life. yes, sometimes it seems as though everything is in the crapper. but you know what? i am sitting in a warm comfy bed in the quiet rural house i grew up in with an amazing (and quirky) family who all love and support me. i have amazing friends who are more family to me than anything- who are able to know me better than i know myself. not to sound cliche- but they truly touch the most inner part of my soul. when i consider all these things, especially in the middle of this season of my life where i am able to sit still for just a moment to hear the universe unfolding- i have nothing more to feel than to feel love and total contentment. God is good.
in this season, i have also had the chance to think about how each person in my life brings a gift of love in my life. not that i am expecting one, not that i even realize it when i happens most of the time. i think of my uncle who after the loss of my father, spent an entire day with his annoying niece (me) to teach her how to bake. in one day, my love of food sparked into a whole new perspective on life. each time i make a cookie, i am reminded of his kindness and the amazing gift of baking he brought into my life. or i think of how my sister gives me the gift of patience and understanding, and how her strength in turn strengthens me. i think of how all my friends bring in spicy and diverse new perspectives on life- in the form of advice, ukulele song, late night conversation, facebook message, quote, or even a trip to tops/wegmans;)
ok- so ill stop my rambling. its late. but i just love my life. thanks to all my loved ones for such a great life. and most importantly- thanks God for making it all possible!
peace
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
memories
To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground
so saturday was the ten year anniversary of my father's death- pretty wild, huh? i cannot believe it has been ten years- it seems like just yesterday he was scooping me up and placing me on his shoulders and being his goofy self. (my mom recently told erik, lauren, and i that we certainly got our humor from my dad which made me smile).
anyway, lauren and i were watching the movie "sunshine cleaning" which had one of the of the most creepy parallel stories to my life that i have seen. the sisters have a mom that committed suicide when they were young, and the movie beautifully explores how one of the sisters seeks to remember who her mother was, and to try and cope. in one scene (i wish they gave academy awards to movie scenes because this one deserves it), the sister opens a box from under her bed and goes through these random trinkets that remind her of her mother. a cigarette butt, a feather, a photo. it was so beautifully ordinary and painted such a picture of the power of memory that i relate to so well. i still take out pictures of my father to try to get a sense of who he was, what he sounded like, what he valued.
although it has been ten years, the wound is still there, and i know it will take more than a lifetime to rid myself of any painful memories. but i have come to realize that the power of those memories makes us who we are today. as much as we try to remember (or forget) the past in other people, we remember who we are right now. i hope that makes sense.
so yes, happy belated fathers day to my dad- its been ten years but i still love you just as much every day.
peace.
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground
so saturday was the ten year anniversary of my father's death- pretty wild, huh? i cannot believe it has been ten years- it seems like just yesterday he was scooping me up and placing me on his shoulders and being his goofy self. (my mom recently told erik, lauren, and i that we certainly got our humor from my dad which made me smile).
anyway, lauren and i were watching the movie "sunshine cleaning" which had one of the of the most creepy parallel stories to my life that i have seen. the sisters have a mom that committed suicide when they were young, and the movie beautifully explores how one of the sisters seeks to remember who her mother was, and to try and cope. in one scene (i wish they gave academy awards to movie scenes because this one deserves it), the sister opens a box from under her bed and goes through these random trinkets that remind her of her mother. a cigarette butt, a feather, a photo. it was so beautifully ordinary and painted such a picture of the power of memory that i relate to so well. i still take out pictures of my father to try to get a sense of who he was, what he sounded like, what he valued.
although it has been ten years, the wound is still there, and i know it will take more than a lifetime to rid myself of any painful memories. but i have come to realize that the power of those memories makes us who we are today. as much as we try to remember (or forget) the past in other people, we remember who we are right now. i hope that makes sense.
so yes, happy belated fathers day to my dad- its been ten years but i still love you just as much every day.
peace.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
la da da da dum
oh man- first posting! so i have decided to catch the wave and start blogging...why not share my musings on life with the whole world? i am pretty sure this will be the most random blog ever written but that's ok with me.
so to start, i want to share something i heard a preacher on the radio talking about. he said "have useless friends". yeah- i know- kinda blunt, pretty harsh. but he went on to explain that when we start having a use for our friends, it becomes a give and take relationship, like a commodity. instead, by having useless friends (and by being useless yourself) you just hang out with with no strings attached, we offer ourselves the chance to get to know people on a way more intimate level. snazzy huh? puts things in a new light for me.
i also was listening to this preacher talk about forgiveness. he was using the example of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) and how the elder son became really jealous of the younger son who basically abandoned the family for selfish reasons, then came back and gets a party. the preacher talked about how not only was he upset at his brother, but he actually wanted his brother to get punished for what he did. for some reason it began to hit me how although i think i am forgiving, i really hold onto some awful grudges and selfishly want people to get what they deserve. but although God is wrathful and just, he is also forgiving and merciful. so i am going to work on that. like a lot. pray for me.
to end: a quote. in fact, i think i will throw a quote in every time i post if i can. i find it appropriate so here it goes:
"With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere."
C. S. Lewis
so to start, i want to share something i heard a preacher on the radio talking about. he said "have useless friends". yeah- i know- kinda blunt, pretty harsh. but he went on to explain that when we start having a use for our friends, it becomes a give and take relationship, like a commodity. instead, by having useless friends (and by being useless yourself) you just hang out with with no strings attached, we offer ourselves the chance to get to know people on a way more intimate level. snazzy huh? puts things in a new light for me.
i also was listening to this preacher talk about forgiveness. he was using the example of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) and how the elder son became really jealous of the younger son who basically abandoned the family for selfish reasons, then came back and gets a party. the preacher talked about how not only was he upset at his brother, but he actually wanted his brother to get punished for what he did. for some reason it began to hit me how although i think i am forgiving, i really hold onto some awful grudges and selfishly want people to get what they deserve. but although God is wrathful and just, he is also forgiving and merciful. so i am going to work on that. like a lot. pray for me.
to end: a quote. in fact, i think i will throw a quote in every time i post if i can. i find it appropriate so here it goes:
"With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere."
C. S. Lewis
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