memories

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground

so saturday was the ten year anniversary of my father's death- pretty wild, huh? i cannot believe it has been ten years- it seems like just yesterday he was scooping me up and placing me on his shoulders and being his goofy self. (my mom recently told erik, lauren, and i that we certainly got our humor from my dad which made me smile).

anyway, lauren and i were watching the movie "sunshine cleaning" which had one of the of the most creepy parallel stories to my life that i have seen. the sisters have a mom that committed suicide when they were young, and the movie beautifully explores how one of the sisters seeks to remember who her mother was, and to try and cope. in one scene (i wish they gave academy awards to movie scenes because this one deserves it), the sister opens a box from under her bed and goes through these random trinkets that remind her of her mother. a cigarette butt, a feather, a photo. it was so beautifully ordinary and painted such a picture of the power of memory that i relate to so well. i still take out pictures of my father to try to get a sense of who he was, what he sounded like, what he valued.

although it has been ten years, the wound is still there, and i know it will take more than a lifetime to rid myself of any painful memories. but i have come to realize that the power of those memories makes us who we are today. as much as we try to remember (or forget) the past in other people, we remember who we are right now. i hope that makes sense.

so yes, happy belated fathers day to my dad- its been ten years but i still love you just as much every day.

peace.